I am pretty sure I never actually finished a blog in the
year 2013. I started this one last
week with the hopes of at least getting one in before the New Year was upon
us. But like most things in life,
good intentions must count for something.
So I guess instead of being the only blog of 2013, it is the first blog
of 2014! Happy New Year! Jim and I have been working pretty hard
on our book instead of the blog lately.
Writing blogs are fairly easy and cathartic. However, writing an entire book is a serious labor of love. Blogs
do seem to morph into chapters so maybe this one will make the cut. Regardless I did not want to neglect
jotting down some signigicant moments the Lord has been merciful enough to let
me witness over the last month of 2013.
Like the wise men, I have been given three gifts during the
season of our Lord’s birth.
As you know from reading past blogs, we have prayed
continually for the 7 years since Troy was killed and taken by Iraqi insurgents
that his body would one day be recovered.
For the first couple of months, I felt that any moment I might get
another knock at my front door with news of his recovery. As the months turned into years, I
never gave up hope. When the war
in Iraq ended and our troops were all sent home, the hopeful light grew dim as
I weighed the odds and knew without American military access the search woud be
far more difficult. Then in the
early winter of 2012 we learned the Air Force might not ever resume recovery
missions because in the “accounting” system of the Department of Missing
Persons, Troy was considered body accounted for (due to the small of amount of
his undeniable fatal DNA found at the crash site). So his family and I would enter another battle, one to give
him the status of continued recovery efforts. The battle was swift but victorious. We won. But I knew it was ultimately the Lord that bestowed us the
favor, because He knew how much it mattered to us. For the almost two years since that action was overturned, I
have remained hopeful but realistically always knew that finding Troy’s remains
was akin to finding a needle in a haystack. A grain of sand at the beach.
But our God specializes in the minutest of details, the one
in a billion, the David in a room full of Goliaths. By the outpouring of His mercy, on the morning of November
22,, 2013, just one month ago and almost 7 years to the day of his
November 27th crash, we received notification that a small portion
of Troy’s remains had been found in Iraq and turned into the U.S. embassy via
the country of Jordan. As I sat
and listened to what was being told to me, I felt myself struggling to listen
because I could scarcely take it all in.
Even if it was only some small foot bones, it was nothing short of a
miracle to have them returned to us.
The Lord held out His mighty hand to me, opened His palm and there I saw
that glistening grain of sand. My
first gift.
Because of classified details I was not told the journey
those tiny bones made to get from where they were to the U.S. But I have no doubt there were a million
miracles along the way - God working IN and THROUGH people to achieve majestic
moments. As I wept, all I could
feel was thankfulness. I knew in
my heart God always heard my prayers for Troy to be found but what a gift to
see it in the physical world, too.
There is so much that could be said about the inner workings
of the Holy Spirit in mine and the kids lives that has happened over the last 7
years. Our book will hopefully
tell a more complete story of all God has done.
My focus has always been that because I know Biblical truths
about death and eternity I must remember that Troy, all of who he was – his
very soul- went to be with Jesus the moment his plane hit the ground and he
instantly died. I have always
explained it to the kids that what makes up who we are is on the inside, the
heart and soul. Which as a
Christian, belongs to and is the indwelling of Christ. Therefore, what is left is just what we
see on the outside, the shell, the covering, what makes up the body. And bodies weren’t made to last or
withstand death but souls live forever.
And souls that belong to Jesus live forever in heaven. Maybe that is oversimplifying but I
don’t think so.
So, as I have striven to avoid the snares of tortured
entanglement which can so easily come if my focus shifts to the fact that
Troy’s casket has lied virtually empty, because his body was taken by
insurgents and only a small amount of DNA was found in his jet. Seven years ago, we buried less than 1%
of him. It can drive me crazy and
make me angry and want to throw things when I think of the injustices that
happened to him after he died.
But, if I go down that road then Satan wins. And by the grace of God, I WiLL NOT let Satan win. I have always said I will fight for him
to be found. I will never stop
praying for it. Hoping for
it. Longing for it. But that I still must trust the Lord
and accept whatever His will was, regardless if that meant we got him back or
not.
I can’t even begin to explain what washed over me as the
Mortuary Affairs officer proceeded to describe to me what was recently
found. Not just foot bones but toe
bones. And not just toe bones but
the bones underneath the toenails.
Seven years prior the only bone fragments found were of Troy’s
skull. Now, let me stop to say I
am not morbidly giving details to keep you intrigued and certainly would never
share anything private that would distract from God’s message. I am giving you details because the
Lord’s ways are magnificient and so extremely personal that I want you to be
encouraged in your own journey. We
serve a God who knows the numbers of hair of your head, keeps your tears in a
bottle and has your name written on the palm of His hand. But back to our story, upon close
examination, those skull fragments that were left behind back in 2006 were from
the very top of his skull. Just
over a month ago, we were informed more were found. Foot bones, specifically toenail bones. I saw clearly what the Lord had given
us with this tiny percentage of bones; the top of Troy’s head and the tip of
his foot. I began to quietly cry
over the phone as the Mortuary Affairs officer soaked in what he had just told
me. I then gathered myself and
told him thank you and that the Lord had just given me such a gift. The spiritual significance of what was
left behind. That God always had
Troy, from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He had never forsaken him. He had never forsaken me. He reminded me not to worry that He is
leaving something unattended, that He loves me and He is indeed the blessed
Controller. My second gift.
Jim and I met for the first time on Christmas Day 2007. As I have mentioned before, we didn’t
intend to meet ON Christmas Day, it just happened that way. But it makes us smile deep down because
without even realizing it, we were given the most incredible gift that year; a
chance at a new life. Through the
years, Jim and I have taken turns being one another’s rock to stand on, a place
to land in times of deep sorrowful grief.
There have miraculously been only a couple handfuls of times that we
were both hurting so much that we couldn’t be there for one another. But even in those times, the Lord
sustained us.
Jim, being a compassionate man and fighter pilot himself,
has always grieved with us over Troy’s crash, the circumstances around it and
the hole that was left behind in our lives. He understood what Troy was doing on his mission that day,
why he was doing it and suddenly found himself taking care of Troy’s wife and
children. When Jim first mentioned
marriage to me, I told him, “Don’t marry me because you feel sorry for me. Marry me because you love me.” He said he was marrying me not only
because he loved me but because that is what God called him to do. Sometimes I joked that that made me
feel like I was a third-world mission calling and that didn’t sound very
romantic. But, actually, it was
the ultimate romance. God loving
all of us enough to send His only Son into this harsh and desperate world. Jesus loving all of us enough to die a
merciless and tortured death to save us from ourselves. Me loving Jesus enough to trust that
that same love for me on the Cross hadn’t stopped the day my earthly world
did. Jim loving the Lord enough to
trust Him even though Andrea’s life ended far too soon. Jim trusting the Lord to equip him to
father not only his two boys but five new children he had never met and love
another man’s wife til death do us both part. And, then me, rejoicing that God would send us another man
to step in and “take the stick” over from Troy and continue to keep us on
course as a family. I have a wall
plaque that reads “Every Love Story is Beautiful, Ours is My Favorite”. True words.
Over the years I have watched Jim honor Troy many many times
over. Whether it be in how much he
continues to seek ways to fill our home and the kids hearts with the knowledge
of who their Dad in heaven was. To
how he has supported the many tributes across this nation to Troy. To supporting me as I travel and speak
for the Folds of Honor Foundation so our family can help other fallen families,
etc. Jim often says he knows Troy
so well without ever having met him.
I feel the same way about Andrea.
And I think in part it is because we have both come from such similar
places; loving and losing someone til it hurts. The same void, though one where the manner of death was
different but the loss was equal.
And also, I think it is because we both strive to know really who each
others’ spouses were. By knowing
Troy better, Jim understands me more.
And vice versa.
Since I met Jim, every time he hears the National Anthem
played he has prayed for Troy’s remains to be found and brought back to
us. When he was active duty, that
happened everyday at 5:00 pm on loudspeakers broadcast all of the bases where
he was stationed. So, as you can
imagine, as I was told the news of Troy’s partial recovery, his heart was
overwhelmed as well. As soon as
the tears stopped flowing and we walked out of the general’s office, Jim began
helping me make plans for Troy’s service.
He diligently and swiftly helped me put together the Arlington service
in three weeks. So many other
people helped me 7 years ago with Troy’s services and I was in such a fog
anyway that I had no idea what all was involved in planning a funeral. I had an even deeper appreciation for
all of my friends who stepped in and took care of things to honor Troy on those
memorial and funeral days.
But, this time, it was up to me and Jim and the kids, much
older now and able to be involved, to decide how could we celebrate this
miraculous recovery and the man Troy was.
Jim made lots of phone calls, logistically planned our trip,
meticulously made professional-grade programs, offered loving insight and
wisdom and finacially spent whatever it took to make his service and reception
a solemn yet joyful occasion. He
understood that the service was a chance for the children to fully comprehend what
their Daddy being buried in Arlington National Cemetery means. Only Boston remembered the first
service. Greyson was just 6 years
old and his memories were primarily of the large memorial service in
Phoenix. Bella attended but was only
3 years old and the twins, being 9 months didn’t go to Arlington at all. So, in a way, this was the first time
they buried their father. And on
such a significant day, too, December 11th, 2013, exactly 7 years
after buryng his first remains.
God’s hand was evident in using His favorite Biblical reference to the
number 7; the number of completion.
God moved the wintry East Coast storm to allow all of us to be
there. The crisp December air was
marked by sunshine , melting snow, red and white roses, bagpipes and
testimonies from the Chief of Staff of the Air Force, Troy’s mentor and former
commander General Rand and the chaplain in Iraq who loved Troy’s legacy of
service… It was all such a touching day but the most poignant was the kids
being able to mark another milestone on their individual journeys to healing - That
was sacred to me and to Jim.
The children all decided they wanted to say something at
Troy’s service this time. So to
help them decide what specific thing they wanted to talk about, on small pieces
of paper I wrote down many of Troy’s characteristics. Not things he liked to do but ways he was. Things like: strong leader, determined,
cared about others, funny, loving, etc… and I laid them out on the coffee table
and they selected which ones they thought they were like. Their stories began from there. They were all beautiful. And so accurately described the
similarities and connection they will have always have with their father. Jim said he would like to introduce the
kids at the service and wondered if it would be appropriate for him to say
something in honor of Troy. I told
him of course it would be, if he felt that is what the Lord wanted him to
do. Until Jim got up at the
service I didn’t really know exactly what he was going to say beyond leading
the children to the front of the crowd at the gravesite. But now I will never forget it.
Jim briefly talked about his unique role in standing in the
gap for Troy but never trying to replace Troy as the children’s father. And that he had recently found an old
email Troy had sent me from his deployment in Iraq. It was written just weeks before he died. Then Jim said he knew Troy’s words were
what he was meant to read on this very momentous day; what we all needed to be
reminded of most.
Here is an excerpt from the email dated October 5, 2006 sent
to me from Troy. He was referring
to the personnel he was deployed with and the time he spent volunteering at the
Balad AFB hospital:
“… They have this strong sense of pride just to be able to
serve our great nation. It
especially hits home when you visit the hospital and realized the real
sacrifices made by our soldiers… I tell you not one person who walks through
the hospital takes anything for granted anymore. Whenever I go there I have to continually say a prayer to
remind myself that I serve a sovereign God who is in control of Everything
(sidenote: I find it interesting
that this is the ONLY word Troy capitalized in this sentence) and is ever
faithful. He is in control and is
impacting/touching so many lives for His cause, even in the face of such
tragedy/sorrow. That reassurance
comes from the good news stories that are generated each and every day at that
facility by the men and women who serve outstandingly there. That reassurance does not come from the
Blessed (my sidenote: again another interesting choice of capitalization) life
He has given me, because I truly understand that can all end in an
instant. I’ve truly realized that
His sovereignty and power, rather my true belief in it, should have nothing to
do with, and doesn’t have anything to do with the Blessed life he has given
me. It comes from His word, His
Promise, His Son’s Blood – Faith, my dear. Faith, regardless of what happens to me, to you, to our
children. Faith in the face of
tragedy. I am so thankful I, we as
a family, have Him to lean on. Many
here do not. For many, the
hospital is a place that shakes their Faith (my sidenote: hmmm – capital letter
again)… hard to understand at first, til you see it first hand. I am comforted to know that regardless
of the outcome, God IS (my sidenote: all caps!) in control.” I believe Troy capitalized the things
the Lord told him to emphasize to me for the tragedy that was about to befall
us; That God is in control of Everything, that I am not Blessed because of what
or who I have but because I have Jesus, that Faith is all that matters and that
God IS in control no matter what happens.
For all the times, I have wanted to and will wish I could just talk
things over with Troy, this is what he would tell me. No matter the circumstance or situation. What a treasure.
After Jim finished reading Troy’s words, he turned and proudly
saluted Troy’s small casket of remains.
There wasn’t a dry eye. It
was a stunningly beautiful moment of God’s provision and the grace He has
bestowed upon Jim to fill some pretty big shoes. And do it so well, I might add. Troy’s powerful legacy does not cast a shadow on Jim’s. Their shadows equally stand tall,
merging into one great covering for our household.
Along with 125 dear people, one of my mother’s friends
attended Troy’s burial on this December 11th. Actually she may have been at his first
burial, too, come to think of it.
Anyway, last week, after the service and just a few days before
Christmas, she sent my mom an email.
In it, she said she had just come from their church service where the
pastor emphasized the story of Joseph and his unique calling to become Mary’s
husband and Christ’s earthly father.
She said she was struck with the thought that my Jim was a modern-day
Joseph. As I read the short note,
tears welled up in my eyes. Why
hadn’t I ever thought of that?
Joseph loved Mary and committed to her his heart and his devotion even
though his family was looking very different than what he himself had already
planned. So much alike, Mary’s
Joseph and my Jim… And yes, Jim’s full name is James Joseph Ravella. Wow. In every way, a true Biblical servant’s name.
My
third gift.
Psalms 8:3-5:
“When I consider Your heavens, the work of your fingers, the
moon and the stars which You have set in place, what is man that you are
mindful of him?”
I have lost so much but how could I not be thankful. Lord, let me remember in 2014 that You
are ever mindful of me. And that
is the greatest gift of all.
