Blurry days

This post should be interesting to write as it is my first attempt to type one since my PRK surgery last week. I am so thankful for everyone's thoughts and prayers. That "little" surgery ended up being alot bigger deal than I thought - more painful than my C-Section recovery (not kidding) and I am still struggling with some double viosion and lack of focus. The doctor tested my eyesight today and I was miraculously 20/40 BUT the healing that brings the eye's ability to focus takes weeks to occur and I am not there yet. So I am struggling through not only typing this but daily tasks like driving and reading the mail, etc... I must be patient as a patient. Jim was the most unbelievable caretaker. Andrea was so blessed to have him as her nurse, comforter and encourager for those long years. He is a much better nurse than patient himself, though. We barely survived his bought with swimmers ear this summer and are bracing ourselves for cold and flu season. ha. Jim is not a happy camper when he is sick. But neither was Troy so that must come as standard issue with most husbands. Just as I now appreciate being able to see clearly and will never take that for granted, I appreciate having a husband, once again, to care for even when he's ill.

With my eyesight being blurred, I have noticed I am much more careful doing daily tasks, like walking, driving, cutting food, etc.... The first few days after surgery I had to be led around the house by my mom and Jim. I couldn't even open my eyes without excruciating pain. Nothing humbles you like being totally dependent on someone taking you to the bathroom when you need to go. I have to liken this stage to what a newborn baby must feel like; the world a fuzzy place. Except those lucky babes just get to sleep and eat and don't have to drive to soccer practice or try to help kids with homework.

I pray I will see clearly again soon. I think of amazing people who are totally blind, like Christian musician Ginny Owens and am challenged to keep praising and keep trusting. If she can do that with no sight at all, surely I can with this slight impairment.

This thought of comparing what we are going through to what someone else has gone through is always what gives us perspective. I am attending a Ladies' Bible Study here in San Antonio. I knew it was necessary for me to get back into organized study of God's Word and a way to meet new friends. There were several studies to choose from. I chose one on being a godly wife. Yet I knew this study would involve lots of discussion of marital struggles. After Troy died it was so frustrating to hear any woman complain about her husband as I felt they should just get on their knees and thank the Lord they HAD a husband.

I wondered whether I was ready to face the normal tendencies we all have to complain about more things than we give thanks for. However, I decided I could use some polishing in the arena of wifehood again as I have now re-entered the world of marriage. So I signed up and have been going every week faithfully. The title of it is "Changing Me". I found that fascinating as most women would assume a better title would be "Changing Him"!

I have to admit to feeling a little lonely in a crowded room as I am so new and not a part of everyone yet. And so I didn't want to say what I knew would inevitably come bubbling to the surface of my mind - perspective and thankfulness in marriage. Though the pastor's wife that leads the study is careful to not let there be any husband bashing going on, it is natural that women would want to seek Christian advice on their own marital difficulties. This week I debated on going as I hadn't driven yet and was not confident I could recognize which room was which in the church with my weepy blurry eyes. But a sweet gal called and offered to come by and pick me up so I went. Sure enough this was the session that unfulfilled expectations came up and ladies began with their laundry lists of husbands not measuring up. The standard ones; not helping with the children, not picking up laundry, not mowing the lawn, not being a leader, etc... all came up. I knew not one of them knew what it was like to long for a man's dirty socks to lie on the floor waiting to be picked up. Because that meant there was a man there wearing them. I could feel the frustration, tinged with a little bit of grace, coming up in my throat. But I didn't want to make anyone feel like they couldn't be real just because I was in the room. All I said was that I knew from being married, now twice, there will always be things (even some bigger things) that make marriage difficult but I encouraged them that at the end of the day would they weigh their frustrations with the thought of what ifs? What if their husband never returned home from work that night? What if the doctor gave the worst possible news? Jim said Andrea wrote in her journal once, "Thank you Lord, that I felt good enough to do laundry today."

Perspective is a beautiful and necessary thing.

My eyesight will return in some way, I pray, perfectly. And when it does, I will remember siting here typing this email and seeing two letters for every one letter and I will thank the Father for giving me some perspective.