Trust

Ginger and I continue to enjoy out time in Maui. We are sitting on the porch both working on blogs. Hence you will see several new postings. Can you tell we are kid free? We have had a wonderful honeymoon which we both needed in many ways and on many levels. We have had a lot of good conversations about our life together as well as time to discuss Troy and Andrea and all they meant to us. It has not been your typical honeymoon. We have had a blast seeing the island and building memories all our own. But as I was writing today I noticed I had several old blogs I never posted for some reason. This is one of them. I continue to remind myself of the need to trust God in my life. I don't ever want to forget how it felt in the darkest of days when I needed God to lead me. My desire is to live with that same hunger for God's leading in times of blessings as well as in the trials of my life.

I (Jim) wrote this journal entry on Dec 28th 2005. I wrote this after a sermon we heard 0n Sunday. It was the last sermon of the year and it was on death. Not the most uplifting sermon.

Psalm 33:18

But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him,

on those whose hope is in his unfailing love

Lord why does it bother me to hear this sermon and the last sermon of 2005? I don't want to see this as Your words to us. But I know if the sermon had been on healing I would have clung to every word as straight from you. Do I get to pick and choose? Lord I cannot believe in all you have done and fear what is yet to be. Father this sermon speaks to everyone, for we will all face death. We will all face what Andrea is dealing with. I need not look at her with pity for her fate is also my fate. How will I respond? What will I do when I face the end? Will my life when laid on the alter be an offering that is pleasing to you?

Father I'm sorry but I grow weary at times. I hate having to look for hope in the smallest of things, a word, a song, a sermon, a note from a friend. Ever searching for a sign that this madness will stop. Ever searching for something to take away my deepest fear.

The fact that Andrea or I will die one day should not bring fear over me. For we who believe know the truth of what is to come. And as sure as I sit here now I know God hears our prayers. As sure as I write these words I know God will provide. As sure as I breathe I know Andrea and I will spend eternity together. As sure as Christ lived, died, and rose again and as sure as Jesus' shed blood forgives my sins I need not fear this life.

Luke 12:4-5

I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do no more. But I will show you whom you should fear: Fear him who, after the killing of the body, has power to throw you into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him.

Lord, I confess my sins and my failures. I confess I have not lived my life in a way to serve my wife to meet her spiritual needs. I ask you God to provide for me to complete me as a man, father, husband and believer. I pray that I would be used of You. That I will fulfill Your will for my life. I ask you to help me with my fear. Help me to trust in you and you alone. Help me to know that you love Andrea and you are with her as she takes every step of her journey. Help me not to be focused on a particular outcome but to learn to just trust in you.