Today March 29th, was Andrea's 46th birthday. It was as hard of a day as I thought it would be. It was the loneliest day of my life.
This is my first race shirt and number. I wore Andrea's "Life is Good" hat in honor of her. The hat was stained from her brow. It was sokaed from my sweat when I finished. She wore this hat all the time. It made me feel closer to her.
Being so alone in such a crowd of people.
No one knowing who Andrea was only seemed heightened my sense of loneliest. Her story lost in this sea of people who were affected by breast cancer.
Crying in public, because I could not find a place to be alone.
Wanting to leave but needing to stay.
Listening to Andrea singing in my i pod as I ran.
Finding it a strange job but somewhat soothing to sit and pick up leafs and rocks off Andrea's grave. Thinking my cleaning habit makes me do weird things.
I finished the race and headed for my car to get flowers for Andrea's grave. When I was at the store I saw the blood mobile and decided to donate in honor of Andrea and the two transfusions she had. After a visit with Andrea and placing the flowers on her grave I left to go to Anthony's track meet. There again I found myself alone in a crowd. Watching Anthony, remembering when Andrea last sat in the bleachers for Anthony's football game. Remembering how weak she was, barely able to walk to the seats, having to still carry that oxygen bottle. Thinking how proud she would have been to see Anthony run. Watching Anthony win and cheering for him alone. Doing everything alone. Crying again in public. Having to wear sunglasses on a cloudy day hoping others did not notice.
Anthony getting ready for the 4x400 relay. They won first, and Anthony got a medal in all three events he entered. One gold, one silver, one bronze.
Today was just a lonely day in every way.