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Friday, January 4, 2008

Andrea's Journal Entry 2 Aug 2006

This is a journal entry from Andrea. She wrote this after we got the results from a CT scan on 1 Aug 2006. Waiting for CT scans is always difficult. I would always wait outside the CT room when they took Andrea in. I would pace the hall outside. I could here the tech saying "take a deep breath and hold it." I would place my hand on the door and pray for Andrea. It made me feel close to her. I always hated being separated from her, especially when she was alone in that CT machine. I wanted to burst in and take her away form it all. I hated she had to go in there alone, facing such a mountain. But we would pray before she went in and her voice would calm me. It was the hope she had and the faith in her words. We always hoped this was scan where God will revel His healing, that maybe just maybe the scan would be normal. It never was of course but God always gave us strength and comfort. And of course I always had Andrea's strength of character to lift me up. I miss that right now. I guess I relied on just being near her. She had this calming strength about her. So much of her came through the way she acted, her smile but mostly her voice. I'm sorry for those who did not hear her talk, but a friend reminded me of how she would say, "I love you." That there was something in the way she said it you knew it was unconditional. That was so true. In her voice you felt loved, it just had feeling in her words. They would melt into your soul and calm any fear or doubt you had. I miss that right now. I would live for her to say "Jim don't worry, I'm fine. I love you and can't wait to see you again. Until then remember worry is a poor substitute for prayer." She's right you know. We need not worry. She is fine, laughing running and praising God. Time does not restrict her, pain can not reach her. I feel her right now as I smile typing those words. She is okay, and so will we.

Anyway here are Andrea's thought from Aug 2 2006. We were in Goldsboro NC, it had been one year since her cancer returned, three years from when this all began. She had lost her three times hair at this point. The scan was on July 31st and we met Dr Atkins on Aug 1st for the results.

My liver scan was not good. I guess I'll never forget seeing that film on the lighted board. Wow. Spots galore and some looked so big! All I know is this is a great opportunity for the Lord to show His awesome power. Like Jacqueline said Saturday, "God likes a crowd and He like attention. He is such a show off." So I still believe I will be healed. I will be a light in a dark world. I will be a story. I will minister to those in need. God is refining me. He is purifying me and growing my faith for ministry. The faith I've had since I was a child is stirring within and a great giant is awaking. The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid. This is for God's glory!" Get out of the boat Andrea. Remember David and Goliath that is the faith within me! I serve the same God. I will minister like I never dreamed. God is molding me. Getting me ready. He will sustain me on this last leg of treatment. Praise God.

1 comment:

  1. thank you, thank you, thank you.....i love reading her words and it helps me in my faith seeing how faithful she was...never wavering at all. gosh i miss her.....