Friday, January 18, 2008
Andrea's Journal Entry 27 Aug
I'm sitting in the San Antonio airport waiting my flight to Raleigh. My flight is late and I find myself with two extra hours to think and write. I should be working on what I will say tomorrow at the memorial but my mind is numb. My heads still aches and my eyes burn from yesterdays beating. So I decided to read some of Andrea's journal entries hoping I would read something that would give me comfort or maybe an inspiration of what to say tomorrow. I found this entry.
This was written just over one year into treatment for metastatic cancer. I think at this time Andrea was stable, soon she would be in the Duke trail and things would take a turn for the worse, but this was a relatively calm time in our life. We were in a routine of chemo and our life had adjusted to the pains, sickness and fatigue. The closet Andrea mentions is the closet in our room. It became our sanctuary, a place to go and be with God. There was a comfort in shutting the door as if we shut out all the pain and reality of cancer. We were safe there, untouchable. When ever one of us would wake up in the night unable to sleep we would just go into the Holy of Hollies to read, pray of just listen. If it was a really difficult time we would go in together. I have good memories of praying with Andrea in the closet, even when we were crying out it is still a time I look back on as precious to me. It was intimate, it was honest, it was raw, it was the trenches of fighting cancer, it was our place of refuge where we shut out reality and rejuvenated our faith.
Last night I went into the closet. I decided to call it the Holy of Hollies. Before I went in I woke up and thought God was asking me if I was yielded 100%. I knew I was I had yielded 100% about dying so my answer was yes. Then I thought about Jim. I thought Jim would have a ministry and maybe pastor a church. That's something that I never wanted to do. So I felt God was asking me if I was 100% yielded. I am. I will do whatever God wants me to do. Then my mind started wondering about how Jim would get his degree, etc... God has a plan. It may or may not be pastoring a church but I am yielded.
So then I went into the closet. I prayed God would do surgery on me, healing me all that was left to be healed. I laid in the Holy of Hollies and prayed God heal the sharp pains, pains when I cough, sinus, and my bone in my jaw. So by faith I am healed. I expect a great scan, no more bad scans. It's over soon.
Jesus was able to find rest in his storm. God will provide a place an anchor to find security in the storm. Mark 4:40. Trust gives me the ability to sleep in the midst of the storm. Jesus was in the storm but the storm was not in Him. Storms try to come inside. God I trust you. I am not going to perish. We cry out and pray and heaven seems silent and God indifferent. Psalm 44 23-26, Awake! Why do you sleep? Isaiah 51:9-10 Awake put on strength and might. Psalm 121 I lift up my eyes unto the hills...We will not perish, our foot will not slip. The Lord is my keeper, my shade at my right hand. Speak to our problems.
Posted by Jim Ravella