Today was my second Sunday without Andrea. It was strangely normal to be alone. Last week I could not even look at anyone; today I was able to sing praises and focus on my God. I went to the commissary afterwards for the first time. My thought at the time was I can buy what ever I wanted. I don't mean to be minimize losing Andrea, I'm just telling you the thought I had while I walked the isle. I was a single man shopping for groceries. It is who I am. It was hard in a way as the last time I was there was with Andrea but I say it again, this is who I am. This is my life and for the first time it felt somewhat normal.
At the time Andrea wrote this entry she was on her second month of treatment for metastatic breast cancer. She had about four rounds of chemo by this time and she was feeling relatively well. I'm pretty sure her hair had fallen out by now and if not is was about to. Her bone pain was still our biggest concern. The cancer in her liver and lungs were not causing her much trouble at this time. We had started to mentally adjust to the reality of her cancer returning. Our friends the Duvall’s had wrapped us up in love and taken us in over the previous two months. They allowed us to be more then friends they took us into their family. Mike and Lori Jo, Skip, Norma, Lee and the kids pulled us back into normalcy when it would have been all to easy to fall into utter despair.
1 Chronicles 4:10
Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, "Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain." And God granted his request.
Yesterday Lori Jo's dad, Skip gave me this scripture and said the Lord gave it to him for me. He also said he prayers for me everyday.
Lord how can I express how much I appreciate your love for me and all your gifts of joy and healing. I love you Lord and thank you for all your blessings. You keep me well and sustain me. I cry out to you now and ask you to heal me completely that I may glorify you. That you may be lifted up. I pray you use us as your vessels. That you strengthen us daily. I thank you for the bonds that are being broken. I felt them crumbling and breaking away Sunday at the service on base. You are freeing Jim and me so that we can serve you. I feel us being pulled toward you. Thank you for helping Anthony. I see your work in him and I'm thrilled. I love you!
Bless this day and let me serve you. I love you.