I went today to Andrea's grave. It was as hard as you are thinking. I keep asking God to help me through this, but I realised I have a lot to learn and go through. None of it easy, all I wish I could avoid but knowing I can not. We were the veterans of the chemo room, we had all the answers. People looked to us, and we loved helping those new to the fight. Now I am a rookie, a rookie in the game of grief. I'm learning there is so much I don't know. I now find myself in a new arena, in need of help. I know two friends who unfortunately are veterans of this experience that I already feel drawn towards. They will no doubt be one of my sources of strength. I'm adjusting to the reality that I'm in over my head and my star teammate is not here. Andrea is no long simply not here, she is gone and to make it through this I have to remind myself the physical I see is not a complete picture of reality.
I dropped my sister and her family off at the airport and decided to see where Andrea's grave was. As I drove to the cemetery today I saw God had given me a blessing. We were told Andrea's grave was to be in the new part of the cemetery, basically a field next to the maintenance buildings. It was the only regret I had about the cemetery.
Today I found her in this beautiful site.
In the shadow of the tree.
It is in the older part of the cemetery. Just up from a creek. Right next to this horseshoe parking spot, with the bench and the tree. It was a gift from God to a really unnecessary concern on my part. Yet He loved me enough to give me this gift. Just a reminder to me that He hears me and He is with me and He loves me. Just what I needed to hear.
For those of you who could not be here This is a picture from the memorial. We had four pictures one of me and Andrea, Nic and Andrea, Anthony and Andrea, and one of Andrea by herself. They lined the front of the chapel. It was beautiful.
My sister Eileen had the idea of bringing items from Andrea's daily life. That is what's on the table. It was the perfect touch. It captured Andrea's battle and her strength.