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Tonight we put up our Christmas tree, the first Ravella/Gilbert tree. Actually we have two trees. One is artificial. It is perfect. It has p...

Sunday, December 30, 2007

The Ravella Gene Kicks In

I went to church today and it was as hard as I thought. I decided to sit in the back so no one would be looking at me. This brought up a separate problem, I could see everyone else. All the couples sitting together holding hands. So in my defense I just kept my head down hoping no one would come talk to me. I wanted to just get up and leave so many times. Instead I just wrote a letter to a friend and looked through our Bible. I found letters from friends to Andrea and notes Andrea has written. It was a hard day. I was glad to escape without having to talk to anyone. I walked out into the sunshine and could not get to the car fast enough, it was over, my first church service alone was done.

I came home and the boys and I decided it was time to do some cleaning. It is a strange Ravella gene, we relax by cleaning. We cleaned out the flowers, moped all the floors, bathrooms and put out about 6 bags of trash vacuumed the window sills and the baseboards. The boys were with me until I started cleaning out behind the stove and refrigerator. Then they looked at me funny and went to watch football. It felt good to get something done towards my new life. I have found I can only take so much grief in a day then I just have to allow myself to live. I framed a picture of Andrea and put it in the living room. It is stunning how pretty she looks. But it seems so out of place. It is strange to walk in and see her picture knowing there will not be another picture of her taken.

I took my first step in cleaning out Andrea's stuff. I started with the bathroom. I cleaned out all her stuff except her makeup. It was another step in learning to live alone. I moved a little closer to understanding what my life will be like. It looks too clean and too lonely.

1 comment:

  1. Sir,
    I have wanted to call several times in the last week, each time I thought, "what would I say?" Since I was not sure exactly what I could say, I put it off. Then my husband told me to give you some space, he thought that you would really need that. So in the end I did not call, but what I wanted most to say was that you and your sons are in my prayers everyday.
    Thank you for writing and sharing the web link to your sister's talkshow, it was very nice to hear your wife's voice, and her words or faith, I only wish I had gotten to know her, now I will know her through you.