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Sunday, December 30, 2007

Andrea Ravella on Faith

Okay I did not go to bed. It is 3:50am. (Forgive any errors) I googled Andrea Ravella. There I saw Andrea's obituary. Again hard to absorb that her name was in an obituary. How can this be? But I also found a link to a radio program Andrea did. The link is at the bottom of the page if you have not heard it. Andrea and I are on the Mach 26 2006 link when we talked about our experience. (I talked too much). Andrea also did a show on Sept 17 2006 with my sister Maureen about facing a crisis.

Listen to the show on Sept 17 2006Andrea words will tell you a lot about her faith and how she faced cancer.

It is hard to hear her voice again. I remember doing that show. We were sitting in our bedroom looking at each other not sure who should talk or when we should talk. The questions were not preplanned so we had to just shoot from the hip.

Anyway I thought you might like to hear Andrea. It has been so long since I heard Andrea's normal voice because she had lost her voice in Aug 2006 due to a tumor causing a paralyzed vocal cord. I hardly recognized her as I listened. I miss her so much. I want to close my eyes and make this all go away. In my despair I no longer want to be a witness of faith, I want to just be her husband again and go back to life before Aug 2003. But God has asked me to walk this path and He must know I can do it even if I may not realize it. My feeling of hopelessness is overwhelming but it is not by my strength by which I stand. No matter how overwhelmed I feel right now as I listen to Andrea's voice, He is with me. He has a plan for me and my future. I have to remember my love for her was a blessing from the same God I seek for relief right now.

Forgive my weakness but it hurts to hear her voice knowing she is gone. I can't tell you how much I miss her, I could write those words a thousand times and still feel I needed to say it again. I miss her. She sounds so beautiful and hopeful. I just want her to come out of these speakers and be in our bed. If I close my eyes she is in the room, but ti only intensifies the hurt when I open them and find myself alone. What happened to our life. This was not how life was supposed to go for us. We had plans and dreams that have been erased. Our lives were so intertwined I feel I have been ripped apart. This is not how it was supposed to be for us. She was the faithful one.

As I listened to Andrea's strength I want to accept God's will in my life just as Andrea did. I know He will bless me in the future. He has a plan for me. I'm not living that future right now so it is hard for me to feel that comfort. I may know I will be comforted but I don't have it right now. Then faith has to step up to the plate and bridge the gap from the pain I feel to the promise that God will bless me in the future. I hear Andrea's faith in her voice and I'm amazed by this woman who taught me so much about facing a trial with faith. I need her faith right now.

I kept listening knowing even though this was forcing me into a time of grief. I just had to hear her. I have yet to take out any old home movies so this was the first time I have heard Andrea. This is a beating for me. But then as I listened to Andrea on the 17 Sept show I was amazed by her faith. She spoke about me and the boys, about Nic going to Egypt for school, about her faith about dying. Is was such a blessing to hear her, as if she was speaking to me when I was hurting. Instantly I was brought back to the woman I knew, her faith and determination to never give into cancer. And she didn't. She left on her terms, living life her way right up to the day before she went into the ICU. And even there she was an example of faith, trusting God and displaying an absolute peace that I could not put into words. As my sister Maureen says, "I just can't tell anyone else about Andrea because they won't believe me." She was that amazing. She was unbelievable except to those of us lucky enough to witness her. If you never met her listen to her words on this radio program and you will get a glimpse into this spiritual giant that I was blessed to call my wife. Thanks you Eileen, my sister, who asked Andrea to do this program. This is my most precious gift. The only account of Andrea's faith in her own words.

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